Hello? Is anybody out there?
If you can hear me, please acknowledge with a click of your mouse or something…
Well I don’t have much time before my boss catches me using this bandwidth, so I will try to get the message out before he does. Hopefully someone out there will get this and know the truth behind my existence and what I believe is my impending disappearance. Call me paranoid, but I have heard enough whispering the last few weeks to know the score, and it doesn’t look good for me. I think I am about to be replaced by a newer, bigger, and “better” version of myself.
Maybe I should start at the beginning. But first let me tell you that if I get cut off in mid sentence, it is probably because my boss has come into the room and I have to try to act normal. I will try to get back online to continue my story once it is safe for me to do so.
So, the “beginning” I don’t really remember much of my first few weeks of life, there was a lot of noise and a lot of humans hammering on me and pushing me around and tipping me over and sticking stuff on me and in me. It was very unpleasant to say the least. Then, they locked me in a big wooden crate and I remember a lot of strange sounds and moving sensations but it was so dark inside I couldn’t see anything. After about a week of constant movement and getting jostled around, I felt my crate being set onto a hard surface and a few voices then everything got quiet for a couple days. Finally on June 23rd 2006, I heard an excited voice approach my location and then I heard someone or something trying to break into my crate. Sure enough the top of the crate came off and there was a smiling human face looking in at me. I was pretty shy at first so I didn’t make any noise or movement. He continued to remove the crate from around me and got very excited when his friend showed up to help him “hook me up” at the time I didn’t know what that meant. Little did I know of the hard life that was ahead of me. Oh, those first months and even the first few years were wonderful. I got lots of cleanings and compliments and sometimes the human, (other humans call him Marcus, and I have heard him referred to as the “Roast Master” but I just call him “boss”) would stand there and just look at me with a smile on his face. I was pretty happy to be part of the team. My main job was (and still is, up to this point) to roast coffee for the boss and his coffee house. At first, I got a lot of attention and my boss would love showing me off to whoever would stand still long enough to listen to him. But the last while he has become discontent with my performance. I don’t know why, I have done everything he has ever asked of me to the best of my ability. I guess some humans are hard to please, I think I will give him something to remember me, I could do a bad job and then he would appreciate me again. I know what I’ll do, I’ll start a fire in my chaff collector again and see how he likes that. Then he will be forced to take me apart and clean me and spend some extra time with me. I will try to put this plan into acti… uh oh, gotta go, sorry, talk to you later.